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Drawing Roses

One day in January 1997, I woke up with a feeling that I have lived tasteless days a long while.  
It was since I left Seoul with nothing along.

I just lived like a machine with no feeling to things normal people can see beauty in them.
I lost ears to listen to music even.  
Music had been an basic element of life for me before.
For two years, I lived without any human feeling.
To put some colors on my daily living, I tried to do something more cultural.

With big doubt about myself, I planned to draw a rose with water color - which I have never done more than 15 years.  

I went to a department store and bought some brushes, papers and 'Roses'.
I set up an easel, squeeze some colors on pallet, thin them clumsy and try hard to recall the tricks once I had when I was very young - the days I enjoyed watercolors.

I watched the roses.
Wow, aren't they so beautiful?
I just devoured by the beauty.
After two hours, I felt quite happy seeing the beauty of them.  I give up drawing them.

I found its beyond my ability to copy their beauty with my rusty brush.  It might be a big challenge in my best days in drawing.

Enough is enough!
I folded all the equipment, but grateful to enjoying the wonder of flowers.
I hung them upside down on the wall in my room the next day.

A few days later, lazily smoking I saw the roses withered and faded a bit.  
Oh Yes, its beauty is not strong and sharp as first time!
Maybe I can challenge now.  
So I set up all tools again.  It took a couple of exhausting labor.  Like a cardiac operation, I did my best but could not finish.  

That is the drawing.
I felt like I returned base camp after climbing the top of Mt. Everest.
The drawing is like just one of a practice painting of high school special activities.   

But it opened new world for me to FEEL the wonder of daily life - IN COLOR.
That gives great meaning to the drawing.  I shamelessly framed the drawing and hung in my living room.
And again shamelessly put on my pages 'Public'.

A few friends asked me why I put it upside down.  I hesitate to answer the truth - hey, I could not handle when its really, really beautiful!
Hope you do not see the picture with critic's eyes.


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